Posted on Tuesday, April 29 2025
It’s even more stressful when a parent is relocating for work and the move isn’t just across town, but across the province or even the country. Leaving behind the neighbourhood, bedroom, school and people they’ve known all their lives isn’t just daunting – it can be terrifying.
So how can families do a better job of navigating the relocation process, and make sure that kids and their parents have the best experience possible?
Have a family meeting – and explain as much as you can
Experts say that the most persistent resistance to moving in kids is often triggered when they feel as though they’re powerless or blindsided by a big move.
The solution? If you find yourself considering a big relocation, call a family meeting. Sit everyone down together and tell them about the plans in an age-appropriate way.
For younger kids, this may involve discussing how sometimes, parents’ jobs mean they have to move, and focus on the ways in which it will be beneficial for the family as a whole: Maybe a better house, more vacations, a better school system, interesting recreational activities in the new city, etc.
For older kids, this may involve both a more in-depth conversation about career growth and finances, and how access to better resources in the new place will have a positive effect on their lives as well. Some families find an emphasis on the ‘adventure’ aspect (“We’re a cool family which likes to take on new challenges!”) can be helpful, both in terms of increasing enthusiasm and in creating a sense of teamwork.
And keep in mind that one meeting isn’t enough to keep everyone on board – kids need regular updates and encouragement throughout the process.
Make room for listening
Most kids aren’t going to be thrilled about the idea of moving at first, no matter how carefully parents present the opportunity. It’s important to take the time to listen to your kids’ responses, whether they’re just venting (“This is dumb and I don’t want to do it!”) or expressing specific concerns (“I don’t know how to make new friends”), and then respond thoughtfully and compassionately.
Again, when kids feel heard throughout the process, it helps to combat that feeling of powerlessness that can lead to stubbon resistance to the moving process.
Assure them they’ll be able to keep in touch with their friends
The biggest concern most kids have, especially when they’re a little older, is losing touch with their best friends, some of whom they may have known for years. Talk to them about the ways in which you’ll help them stay in touch, whether it’s by phone, email, text, Zoom calls, online games, or even arranging visits back and forth. Maybe your 12-year-old can get that cellphone a little earlier than you’d planned, for example, to allow them to stay in touch on a daily basis.
Don’t dismiss those weird requests out of hand
If you have teenagers, one of them may come to you with a ‘proposal’: “Junie’s mother says I can stay with them for the last two months of school while you and Mom are in the new place. Then I’d move at the end of the school year.”
It’s tempting to automatically refuse a request like this, but this is a good time to stop and consider it. Would an extra two months in their current school mean your child will maintain better grades, have better mental health, and arrive in their new home with a better attitude about the move? Taking some time to think it through might save the whole family a lot of stress in the long run.
Give them a specific role or job in the move
Kids can feel a real sense of empowerment when they’re put in charge of some aspect of the moving process, and this helps to get and keep them positively engaged in the process. For younger kids, this may look like being in charge of packing the stuffed animals; for older kids, this may be something like coordinating meals on the day of the move or being in charge of labeling all the boxes. Kids like to feel like a valuable member of the team, and giving them a responsibility is a great way to foster that feeling.
Plan a good first night in the new home
No matter how old you are, the first night in a new place after a day of moving headaches is often challenging. So make sure that you plan ahead for your first night in your new home: Pack a box with blankets and pillows (in case you have to sit on the floor!), set up someone’s laptop with a comforting movie, get takeout that everyone likes, and just hang out together for a couple of hours. Thank your kids for being great helpers, and tell them how much you’re looking forward to getting to know your new neighbourhood – and how glad you are they’re there!